I feel as though I am the woman who made friends with the wild wolf and now must yell and scream at him, flail and tell him I don’t care about him anymore, so that he will be willing to abandon me and return to his pack. Yup, I feel just like that. Only I didn’t make friends with a wild wolf (or a tame one) and it’s actually my flying monkeys I must set free (my figurative ones, not my real ones in case a few of you are reading this). You see, my figurative flying monkeys are the minions who carry out my main objective in life, which I’ve recently realized is control.
Let me digress for a second and say that it was a total bummer to realize that what I seem to prize more than anything else is control, not over others per se, but over myself and the realities of my life. Control in and of itself isn’t necessarily a good or a bad thing. You can certainly accomplish great things by having control over yourself (from weight loss to finishing a novel). Where control gets to be a problem is when it gets in the way of opening yourself to change, to improving interpersonal relationships (over which you can have little control), and when it causes you to always be walking alone because letting go of control and trusting others is so uncomfortable.
I am not a moderate person and just like an obsession with Frappuccinos can get out of hand, so too can control. There is nothing wrong with being focused (even obsessively so as far as writing is concerned), but I’ve found that my sense of control seems to be sucking out all the air around me, diminishing the wonder of my life, and keeping me from leaning forward and doing things that would substantially improve the adventure that is my life.
So, as we near the end of the year and I start getting all goal-y and excited, it’s time to let go of the need to control all outcomes and dive into new things that I can’t possibly control, activities where I get to meet entirely new people and have adventures beyond my reckoning (and I reckon pretty well). Without my flying control monkeys, the barrier between me and everybody else vanishes and I can be changed by new experiences and people, as well as have the opportunity to positively change others (not through control, but in the way we all help each other to evolve into happier beings).
The nice thing is that I’ve already laid the groundwork for the Flying Monkey Release Initiative. I’ve started a few new activities, am signed up for some life-changing classes, and am busy with some travel guides to plan for some romps around the countryside, possibly with friends, family, or maybe just an adventure outing on my own.
So, be gone you flying monkeys! Be free! I mean it... go!!!
(And the other perk: I can stop shopping for new seasonal fez hats and vests. :)
Quote for the Day from Brian Kessler
“The closest to being in control we will ever be is in that moment that we realize we’re not.”